Pentecost 11
27-07-2005
Genesis 32.22-31, Matthew 14.13-21
We all have scars, limps, dicky knees – left over from operations, an accidents, or even, heaven forbid, fights. I have a scar from when my appendix was removed when I was 11. One of my shoulders is not in the right place due to a motorcycle accident. That was an event that changed me forever. Even the scars from fighting and things like that remind us of that event, the marks of struggle perhaps.
Every struggle, every incident, every wrestle we have with life leaves us scarred. It’s one of the ways we learn. Missy Higgins, the popular singer/songwriter recognises this in her song Scar – in the chorus she asks to be left with a scar to remember not to do whatever it is she is singing about again. I looked at the words the other day, but I couldn’t quite work it out – maybe a relationship? Anyway, that’s beside the point. Even life scars us – as we grow older, our bodies deteriorate, - not necessarily our minds, although that’s a good excuse isn’t it, a seniors moment. Gradually we change, we move differently, feel differently, look different. Other types of struggle takes it out of us as well. Not just physical struggle either – emotional and spiritual struggle is also hard for us, and will leave its mark. Worry and depression makes us hunch our shoulders and look down.
Sometimes we even mark ourselves to remind us of something. We call it ritual scarring, and it’s common in many cultures. In Western society tattoos are becoming popular with men and women as a ritual scarring, something on our bodies that reminds us of something, or that marks something significant, even if the only thing it tells us is not to go and get drunk and let your mates talk you into getting a tattoo ever again. A friend of a friend once did that – ended up with cobrar on his arm – spelt c o b r a r! So it seems that we are very keen to show our life history in and on our bodies. Our bodies become our c.v, our auto-biography.
Now there is a lot of pressure on us all to succeed in life. We must have a good job, good home, happy kids, nice garden, nice car, as much money as we can get, a good wine cellar – etc, etc. Happiness? Fulfilment? Spiritual enlightenment? Yeah, if you can fit that in, it’s a bonus. But after all, that’s not what its all about, is it? We are encouraged to struggle in this world, which is fair enough, but we are usually encouraged to struggle for the wrong things. And the scarring, in the end, is meaningless, because the scarring ends up being things like exhaustion, breakdowns, burnout. Or Marriage break ups, never having time to be a parent, bad eating and no exercise. In short, a totally messed up sense of priorities. Is it really worth it, in the long run? Is it worth throwing our lives away in the vain pursuit of what some advertising consultant tells us is life, the universe and everything? No, of course it isn’t. But gee its hard to give up, even though it’s such a struggle. It’s a mess really.
Jacob was successful in the material world. He’d managed to scam his inheritance. He’d used his cunning to out-manoeuvre his father in law, who was also his uncle, and profited in that venture. But in the end, what he really needed was an honest blessing and a reconciliation, both with his brother, and I think, with himself. He needed reward for something that was done through hard work, not scheming. And this is what he got.
He struggled through the night with a man who seems to be God. He has his dark night of the soul. We have a physical struggle here, which has a spiritual theme. For most of us a spiritual struggle is in the realms of the mind and the heart. It could be that Gethsemane experience, that dark night of not wanting the burden of faith and vocation, the struggle to live as a Christian. Its tough at times, we all know that. And sometimes we can forget what it is we are actually struggling for. Or perhaps, what is actually worth struggling for.
Jacob struggles for blessing. This was a honest struggle, for a change, and that is what is significant. There is no trickery here, he is actually overcoming the odds, because even with his injury, he is still able to win a blessing from this mysterious man, who turns out to be God. Now that’s something worth struggling for, certainly worth a scar, or a limp, which is seems he has from then on. He receives a blessing from God, he came face to face with God and lives. But you know, that even though Jacob struggled, even though he had to fight for a blessing from God, we don’t?
We are blessed already, we have a promise from God. There’s no struggle in gaining the actual blessing because the struggle was done for us by Jesus. All we have to do is accept the grace and hope that is offered to us. That’s it. The struggle comes later when we try to live according to that grace, and it’s not always easy, although its not always hard either. When we do have the difficult times though, we have God’s compassion for us to help us through. We heard of Jesus’ compassion for the hungry hordes – he fed them. He feeds us too, not just our physical nourishment, but the real food of life, that which will sustain us forever – the Truth. If we show compassion we can live that life, the Christian life, more fully, mores successfully. But we have to be compassionate to all, even ourselves.
I think Jacob’s struggle wasn’t just with God – it was also with himself. Perhaps he realised his own shortcomings, and that there was reconciliation needed within himself. Perhaps he needed an honest struggle to be himself - to be able to allow himself to accept God’s blessing, to be able to allow himself to ask for it.
Are we able to ask for a blessing from God? We know that it will be offered and granted, because of God’s compassion for us, because of God’s love for us. But can we ask for it? It can be a struggle to ask, for many of us, because so many of us carry around this idea that we shouldn’t be blessed because we are not good people. We don’t measure up to the high standards of perfection. Perhaps we once said something not very nice to someone, or did something not very nice, or thought something not very nice, or whatever. We carry around those scars within ourselves. But we don’t have to, and I think I’m finally starting to realise that myself. Now this is a massive breakthrough for me. Because my struggle in life is against my habit of beating myself up, of expecting myself to be perfect. And I’m still learning that I don’t actually need to struggle at all.
I don’t need to struggle, none of us need to struggle, because of God’s grace. We make mistakes, we hurt people, and we need to say sorry when we can, and forgive others when we can, and seek reconciliation whenever possible. But we also need to forgive ourselves and seek reconciliation with ourselves and learn to love ourselves as we would love others, and as God loves us. You see, that’s the difference between Jacob and us – he had to wrestle for a blessing. We don’t. Its given, because of Jesus. The grace is extended, the blessing is offered, and rather than pin God down, all we have to do is accept it, accept that compassion and hope and love, accept that offer to be in community with God and with each other.
So we are ok not being perfect, with our war wounds and reminders of past glories and failures. The scars can remind us of lessons we learned, and remind us of how God forgives us all the time, no matter what we’ve said, done or thought, and that the only struggle we really have is the struggle to love ourselves and each other. Jacob struggled for his blessing. We are freely given ours. We are loved, and we have hope in a great God, and a great future. We can live in the confidence of this hope, safe in the knowledge that we all truly are loving and loved people. So why deny ourselves ourselves?
Peace be with you.
